


Deep Inside

by Kosakoni



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-25 18:18:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2631557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosakoni/pseuds/Kosakoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had missed him so fucking much. His jokes and his gentle kindness in everything. His eyes and his touches. And Michael was … he was always there - in James’ mind. He thought about the moments when he was alone in the hospital, and then at home - always staring at the one number, he wanted so much to call or to send a message to. The only voice he wanted to hear, when he would tell Michael what had happened …</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Prompt from luninosity:</strong>
</p><p>James/Michael, hurt/comfort: specifics of plot and setting and emotional versus physical hurt up to you, but prompter has a weakness for hurt!James, and hurt!James trying very hard to nevertheless wave it off and take care of Michael, until Michael finally figures this out.</p><p>(if porn happens or not, that's entirely cool either way; prompter has slight bottom!James preferences, but write what feels right!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luninosity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luninosity/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [luninosity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luninosity/pseuds/luninosity) in the [mcfassy_autumn_extravaganza_2014](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/mcfassy_autumn_extravaganza_2014) collection. 



> Hello my dear readers. This story is based on the beautiful prompt of luninosity and I hope so, so much, that you'll enjoy it. And it's what you have hoped to read as a fulfill. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
> James/Michael, hurt/comfort: specifics of plot and setting and emotional versus physical hurt up to you, but prompter has a weakness for hurt!James, and hurt!James trying very hard to nevertheless wave it off and take care of Michael, until Michael finally figures this out.
> 
> (if porn happens or not, that's entirely cool either way; prompter has slight bottom!James preferences, but write what feels right!)
> 
>  
> 
> Last I wanted to thank my lovely beta-reader GodStark. 
> 
> And please - now enjoy - and please let me know what you think about it. <3

“Peace was never an option.” said Michael in a very grave voice, giving James a shiver. He pushed more chocolate in his mouth, whilst tugging on the blanket, so it covered him more. It was only two days before the script reading and James had to say he was a little nervous. But excited as hell. Mainly because he would see his best friend again.

 

The sudden sound of his phone ringing startled him from his emotions, as he paused the movie and grabbed the device to answer. “Yes?” he murmured, enjoying his lazy pose. But a strangled crying sound on the other end of the line made him sit bolt upright. 

 

“James … you need to come home, honey.”

 

~*~

 

Leaning against the closed wooden door, James inhaled. For a moment he just looked into the darkness of the hotel room. Then he slowly made his way to the bathroom. There was a knock on the door. He knew this sound, and the softness behind it. It was thoroughly Michael. 

 

“Come in - it's open.” he said a little louder, so his friend could hear him. James, in the meantime, pushed some water in his face. He felt so fucking tired and he wished just to be alone. Or that he could hide in a corner, where he could let all these new feelings out of his body, but …

 

“Wow, I have thought you would greet me with a little more excitement in your voice.” There was teasing in Michael’s words, and James looked up from the towel he had used to dry his face. Through the mirror he saw his best friend standing behind him and it was suddenly all he needed. Turning around, he smiled and wrapped his arms around Michael, who laid his hands on his back. Returning the hug, like he always did. So gentle and warm.

 

And suddenly James was aware that this was the first hug they’d had after what happened back at home. The first time he let someone really close-closer to himself. He couldn’t stand the closeness of his family anymore. 

 

This made him press a little tighter against Michael. For a little second, he could feel Michael tensing, before the long arms wrapped tighter around James body. Closing his eyes, James let himself - just a moment - enjoy the feeling of warmth and safeness, as he heard his friend murmur against the back of his head. “Have you really missed me so much? You know, I just made fun of you ...”

 

God, yes. He had missed him so fucking much. His jokes and his gentle kindness in everything. His eyes and his touches. And Michael was … he was always there - in James’ mind. He thought about the moments when he was alone in the hospital, and then at home - always staring at the one number, he wanted so much to call or to send a message to. The only voice he wanted to hear, when he would tell Michael what had happened …

 

“James,” Michael sounded very curious, but also very concerned. “Are you crying?” And James was suddenly made aware of the fact that his body was shaking. Because - fucking yes - he felt tears on his cheeks, which made him pull out of Michaels arms. “No, no … just … so tired. I'm sorry.” He wanted to turn away, so he could avoid making any contact with Michael’s soft, gray-green eyes. But the older held gently him back with a soft grip on his wrist, watching him with concern. “Are you sure? I mean … you can tell me everything. I know I haven't really much time in the last weeks, but … now I’m here.”

 

The temptation was too much and grew any stronger, as Michael took a step closer to wipe the tears from his cheeks. It suddenly reminded him of the final scene of their last film - First Class. It was so ridiculous, to be so sad about something that was just an act. But James was emotionally so wrung out, that he had hid himself crying over Charles’ loss from Erik and Raven and … everything. And as Michael found him, all he could do was to let himself be comforted by his friend.

 

But now … it wasn't just because of an act. Or the deepness of a character he loved so much to play.

This was real - it was … more. But it was also on James himself, to deal with - not Michael. He couldn't expect his friend being there for him all the time. James knew very well that Michael would do anything for him, but … no - he couldn't do this to him. So he shook slowly his head, while forcing a smile on his face.

 

“No, no, it's … it’s nothing, everything’s alright, I’m just really tired, Michael. Really.” He looked up at his best friend, who watched him very carefully. Then he nodded slowly, before tugging James again in his strong arms. “If you say so. But if it's again because of Erik, I will kick his ass, okay.”

 

The words, spoken in his hair, made James suddenly laugh. Pressing his face into Michaels shoulder, James shook again his head. “You're ridiculous. As if you could kick your own ass.” There was a soft huff of breath on the back of his neck, what made him shiver a little bit and pressing closer at his best friend. “Maybe you seem to forget, that there is only one Erik more in this movie.” Blinking, James pulled back. “You wouldn't.”

 

Michael smiled and stared deeply into his eyes, whilst running his hands soothingly over James back.

 

“For you, I would.”

 

With a real smile, James shook his head again, before he let his head sink onto Michaels shoulder. There he closed his eyes and let himself forget about the past two days. He decided the best thing to do was to enjoy the moment right now.

 

This was what he had missed so badly.  Just  Michael in every way. Alone, their friendship was always deep and caring, without any boundaries. And it was only proven by the warm and tingly feeling in his stomach, as Michael exhaled into his hair, before leaving a soft kiss on his temple.

 

~*~

 

“And - what do you say?” Singer and Kinberg watched them all really closely. They’d just had a rough run through of the script. They’ve been reading it on and off for the past few weeks, but not really all together. James had read through it-especially Michael’s parts as Erik. But after reading some of them…he had decided to stop. It didn’t feel right to do it alone. Slowly he looked at the other people in the room. Michael, who sat next to him, seemed deep in his thoughts. just like Hugh and Nick. It was Ian who began to speak.

 

“It's great. It's so awesome to put Charles and Erik back together after such a long time of differences.” His words made James smile with amusement. “Yeah. Easy for you to say, when you get your Charles back. But what's with me and Erik?”

 

Kinberg tilted his head a little to the side, while nodding thoughtful. “You're right, James. This was a part Matthew and I were always debating. But we're thinking that this would be more convincing.” James opened his mouth, to say something, but Michael beat him to it. “Charles would never leave Erik behind like this.” His mind may have been playing games on him, but he could swear he heard Michael’s voice sound a little husky. It instigated James to take a closer look at him. 

 

“Maybe he would. But what's with Erik himself? I mean, after all they have gone through, he's betraying Charles’ trust again. This…this isn’t fair.” Matthew let out a deep sigh and nodded. “You're right. The things those two did or will do, are not … what they would do to each other in normal situations. But Michael, think about it. Erik had abandoned Charles bleeding in the sand. Took away his sister and the friendship Charles never had before. Do you really think, even if Charles loved him after all this time, he would rescue Erik out of prison after what he did to Charles?”

 

Slowly James nodded. Matthew was right. “Yeah. He wouldn't rescue him.” Michael blinked next to him “Maybe not like that, but … what's with a visit? Erik would free Charles.” Now it was James, who let out a sigh. “You're right. Erik would. But only to show his power over the humans. Not alone for Charles. And Charles wouldn’t visit Erik, because it would show Erik what he has taken from Charles. How bad he had hurt him and he wouldn't do that to him. Also he couldn't come to him, because he clearly loved Erik after all this time, even if he thinks that after Cuba, Erik doesn't want him that way anymore. Added with the fact that Charles has lost his power - what makes him very human - would lead to something that Erik wouldn't understand. And as we have read, Erik really doesn’t understand Charles at all.” 

 

Whilst Michael had again this concerned and deep expression on his face, the others looked at him with little smiles. Especially Patrick, whose expression was rather amazed, making him Blush. “I am with James. The script is for their part very hard, but … whilst Charles in the future is more wiser and more harder to take, it's still something our younger character needs to learn. I have always thought about Charles being young and very easy to break, because he's not used to be around his own kind hurting themselves. But then along comes Erik and his whole world begins to change. Suddenly there is somebody so different and at the same time so similar to his own expectations. After that, everything seems to be perfect until it just breaks. And this is something I think it really needs to be in the script. Charles power doesn't come just from his head, but also from his heart. A heart which is broken.”

 

James wanted to scream like a  _Fangirl_ , that -  _Yes, Patrick fucking Stewart was with him. Star Trek - The next Generations Captain Picard_ \- but he held back. Instead he smiled at him, before turning back to Matthew. “This is an awesome idea. And we really need a scene between my Erik and Charles, to come clear with each other. Even if it's just a small one. But their characters deserve at least that. I think …” He looked at Michael, whilst moving his hand under the table to rest on his friend’s knee “... they need something like hope for each other.”

 

Finally his friend smiled again which immediately made everything easier. Sometimes James could lose himself in his characters. But Michael … he always gets lost in them so easily. And especially with Erik…he was in so fast, it often makes James wonder why. 

 

~*~

 

After the first days of reading, James got a message from his manager. It seemed that somebody had taken pictures of him, while he was back in Scotland, visiting his family. The message behind it was very clear and was in big bright letters above to read.  **What's happened that X-Men Actor James McAvoy is in such a rush back in Scotland?** Whilst his manager knew everything from James to his Grandma, he had avoided to tell Singer and the rest of the production team. Not because he feared them or getting problems with them.

 

Never would he think about them like that, because they all were so great. But … talking about what happened … it would make it all real and … James couldn't bear this. So he just wrote back, that he should please do something about these headlines. He didn't need his Co's or friends to be concerned.

 

Needless to say that - even if the news only lasted a few hours on the internet - in the evening a soft knocking on his door was. Just after that he received a short message from Michael - he wanted to speak with him. Slowly James got up from his warm bed, to the door. After he opened it, the first thing he saw were two to-go cups of Starbucks Coffee and Michael in his comfy-clothes.

 

“Can I come in?” Michael asked, a little unsure, which made him always so fucking cute. With a little smile, James shook his head, while stepping to the side. After his friend was inside, he closed the door. Without any words, James lead the way into his bedroom, taking a seat against the headboard of the bed whilst Michael perched on the edge. Still holding the cups of coffee, Michael held one out for him. “Caramel flavor with some Chocolate cream? It looked like something you would like.”

 

James swallowed, before slowly taking the cup. Their fingertips grazed and James felt again something very warm in his stomach. But before he could think about it, Michael began to speak. “So … why hadn't you told me that you were back in Scotland? I mean … this shouldn’t sound like you must tell me everything you do. It's just … you were already here. And then you … go back for not even two days.”

 

He felt Michael’s gaze on himself, but he couldn't … he just couldn't look back. Because this was the first best friend he ever had. The first person he felt so … so close to like nobody else before and he hadn't told him. He hadn't … because he knew, how Michael would react, if James would tell him and then …

 

But at the same time he couldn't lie to him either. So, closing his eyes, he took a very deep breath. “My sister had an accident. And … she … is in coma and they don’t know … if she ever will get out of it.” The sound Michael made forced James to open his eyes again. “James …  _Mein Gott!_ I'm so …” Slowly he turned to Michael’s eyes, which began to get wet and - it was just like he had feared. “I cannot …  _Es tut mir so leid!_ ” James nodded a little, before sitting up and putting the Coffee on the nightstand. Then he got closer to his friend and huged him. “I know, Michael. I know.”

 

In an instant, his friend wrapped his arms around his body. “I wanted to tell you, really. The same evening … I wanted to call you, but … I know you would have come and then - ...”

 

Michael shoved him suddenly away, only to look at him with a very serious expression. Only Michael could cry and look so earnest at the same time. “Of course I would have come to you, James. You know, I wouldn't leave you alone with something like  _that_ !” His words rung true into James’ fast beating heart. “I know. I know that, Michael and it was the reason I couldn't tell you. Because I know you are so … caring and loving and it's just not …”

 

James pulled slowly away, to bring some distance between them, because what he was about to say … “In this … situation, you don't need to be like that, Michael.” Curious, his friend nodded his head a little to the side, while watching him. “I mean, yes, she is my sister … physical she is. And … I'm … sad because she is so young, so … but … I didn't know her. Not like you are with your sister - you understand?” No he did not. James could see it clearly on his expression and it made him only feel more ashamed of his own feelings.

 

Yes, he was sad. There was … something inside him, that couldn't handle the whole situation. Something James just didn't understand. But it wasn't … needing. Michael didn't need to feel bad about it or need to care about James, because he was good. “I know, you don't understand this, because you're just too good for this world to realize not every family is perfect. And let me tell you, mine isn't it at all. My mom didn't care about me enough to want me, so I left her to live with my grandparents. Joy lived with my mother, who … didn't wasn’t even there to greet me. So … everything is … you don't need to be sad, really. Oh… I'm good, really, Michael. I'm fine.”

 

He said it, because he really believed it. At least, it was what he wanted to believe. He didn't even understand why - he didn't care at all - he couldn't tell his producers. Why it felt so hard to speak it out.

 

But James knew that his feelings would vanish. It was just a matter of time. Until then, he just needed to make sure to convince Michael, that he was fine. Because he really was.

 

~*~

 

“What's wrong with him?” Ian asked, while Michael looked for some cookies for James. After yesterday evening, he had been even more caring than ever before. Because, looking at James and his clearly hurt deep blue eyes, who wanted to make sure, that Michael believed him being _fine …_

 

James was maybe one of the best actors Michael had ever the chance of acting with, but this wasn't a movie or a role he played. This was his best friend - James. And he knew him. Every expression, every … little motion he made, when being tired. Like, when his eyes got suddenly dimmer and thoughtful.

 

Or when he got hungry and kept looking for the door, as if he couldn't await the possibility to run for the next sandwich-dinner.

Or - and Michael loved this expression more than every other on James’ beautiful face - when he was happy. And it didn't matter to him what made him happy. It was just the expression that did. Blue eyes that shone suddenly brighter than ever before. Red lips, pressed for a tiny second together, before stretching into the most beautiful smile Michael has ever seen. And they used to crinkle a little, when James tried to control himself or speak about something other. But never being able to keep his smile hidden.

 

Michael loved James happy. And seeing him so … broken ... 

 

“Hey, Michael? Do you know or what? What's with James these days?” Blinking, Michael got aware of Ian and Patrick. Both looked at him very concerned, which didn't make it any better for him. So he just shook his head, while lowering his voice. If he could tell anyone, then those two. And since James didn't said anything about keeping it hidden … “His sister had an awful accident. She's in coma and they don't know if she will survive. But he … don't say anything, please.”

 

They were both shocked from his news and both looked very sympathetic at his plead. “No, we're saying nothing. But I will hope the best for her. How is he even … I mean … if this would be my sister, I don't know if I could be … so …” Ian shook again his head, then he stopped. Looking just sad, as Patrick did. “They aren't really close to each other. But I know him … and even if he's declaring he's fine - he's not. But I don't know what I should do ...” Michael didn't even want to say the last part out loud. But he couldn't hold it back anymore. With those two he had the feeling they already knew how he felt. A warm hand lay on his shoulder, as Ian leaned a little at him. “Just be there for him, like you always do. We saw the way you two are with each other and we think, you're so great together.”

 

Michael smiled and as he wanted to thank Ian, Patrick did nod softly. “Yes. A very beautiful couple.” He wanted to say something In return but they were already walking away. A second passed before James was next to him, smiling a little too much at him, what gave him away. And making Michael very cold inside. “James … you know this isn't … you could fly back. I'm sure Simon wouldn't have something against it.” Michael knew his best friend far too well, as by just the way James eyebrow’s peaked, he should have keep his mouth shut. 

 

“No, Michael. I know, you mean well. That's the reason I will say this only once. I'm fine. I really am. So could you please stop.” The way James looked at him … Michael just … he couldn't stop. Couldn't James understand that he just wanted to help him? “James, I know you. You are not fine! I see it. Do you really think you will be fine, if your sister dies? And if you're not by her side when it happens? I'm sorry, but I think you will ever regret it if you keep doing this to yourself - if you keep ignoring your own feelings about this!”

 

Michael didn't was aware that he had risen his voice, but when he did, he just saw their Co's and producers watching them with a concerned expression. He wanted to apologize, but James shook his head harsh. “No, you're wrong. The only thing I'm regretting is telling my best friend what's happened. Thank you very fucking much!” With that James shoved him to the side, walking away. 

 

He wanted nothing more than to follow him, but unfortunately Michael knew, this wasn't a fucking movie.

Even if he felt like he was in one.

 

~*~ to be continued ~*~

 

 


	2. What's the right thing to do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James makes a decision and Michael learnes something new about his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry, my dear readers. I have so many projects running, I've totally forgot about this one and then I have forgotten about the second chapter - which was already finished. But it's not beta-readed, because my lovely Beta has so much stress(And I didn't wanted to bothering her anymore). So, I've read it through and if there is still any wrong gramma - I'm so sorry. But please don't forget that English isn't my first language, so ... please be kind. 
> 
> But I hope, that you're enjoying this. And I would be happy to read what you've think about it. 
> 
> Have fun. <3

Right after his little dispute with Michael, James felt really bad. But he hadn't any time to think about it, because of Simon, who followed him. “Hey, James … please wait a moment, okay.”

 

Sighing, James stopped. But he didn't dared to look at the man. “Why hadn't you told us?” Looking at the tips of his Chucks, he just bit his lips. Then his producer let out a sudden understanding sound, that let him look up. “... Because you … do care about her.”

 

“No!” James felt his eyes go wet, before he could control himself. “Yes - No - I … I don't know. I just … don't know how I feel about this. And the only person who … seems to understand me more than I do myself … is the one I hurt more than I ever wanted.” Gentle, Simon laid a hand on his shoulder, while watching him careful. “This is okay, James. And I think that Michael will forgive you. When he really knows you that good, then he will. But … for you - especially for you, I think it would be for the best, if you take a pause.”

 

James shook instantly his head. But before he could say something more, Simon looked stern into his eyes. “You will. Because it will help you to clear your head and will give you time to sort this all out. It doesn't help us or yourself, if you ignore this. Okay. I'll give you one week off. Take the script with you - if you want - but don't lose it.”

 

After a silent moment, James nodded slowly. “Okay. If you insist.”

 

“I do. Maybe you should really fly back. Or stay. Do what you want, but … do what you think it would be the right thing. Because Michael is right - and I think you know this, too. If the worst happens. You will regret it. I know you - we all do. You're a too good person to be like that, James. Okay? Think about it.”

 

Even minutes after Simon was long gone, James stood on his spot - just staring into nothing. But knowing what he needed to do.

 

~*~

 

Michael leaned against the wall of the lift. Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. His head was spinning, because of his concern about James. He had already tried to message him, but he didn't get through. Maybe his handy was off - he thought. But he feared, that James was still very angry and disappointed at him.

 

As soon as the lift opened his doors, Michael did repel himself from the wall, before stepping out of the lift. Then he walked across the long corridor toward his room, as he suddenly stopped.

 

The picture before him …

His heart clenched hard and his throat got tight.

 

There he was. James. Sitting right before Michael's room, on the floor. His knees were pressed against his chest, while he had his arms wrapped around them, head buried between arms and knees and …

 

Michael nearly stumbled toward James, before he sank on his knees, right before his best friend's form. For a second he lifted his hand. Unsure what to do. But then he shoved his worry away, because this was James and not a stranger.

 

“Fuck!” With Michael's sudden outburst, James' head flew up, looking at him with red, teary eyes and he broke inside. “I'm so sorry.” James said, just as new tears ran over his pale cheeks and Michael laid his hand on his neck. Gentle he draw James into his arms, wrapping them hard around his trembling body. “I'm so, so sorry. Michael … so sorry.” He felt James' fingers clenching into the fabric of his shirt, while tears soaked through it, but he didn't gave a shit. Just pressing James hard and secure at his body, while whispering soft things into his hair.

 

“It's okay. I'm here, James. I'm not angry.” He stroked over James' back. Steady up and down. Making sure to reassuring him with his touches. 

 

With time, the trembling began to fade, until it finally stopped. Just like James' soft crying. Still, he stroked his back, holding him tight against his chest and between his legs. It didn't mattered to him, that there could people seeing them like this. It just mattered, that James began to calm down. Only his breathing was still a little unsteady. “Sh … just breath. It's okay.” He felt James' nodding against his neck, feeling himself a little better, because he get something other than a sob as reaction.

 

He didn't knew how long they sat on the floor. But after some time, James began to entangled himself from Michael. Sniffling, he buried his face for a moment in his hands. Shaking his head, while he spoke, but without looking at Michael. “I'm so … so sorry. About what I've said and … now you're sitting on this floor and … I'm crying all over you and … God - I'm sure I look awful.” Slowly James' hands fell into his lab, while he leaned breathless against the door. “And now I'm feeling like shit, because I'm thinking about how I'm looking and you must think - ...”

 

“I think you look beautiful.” The red around James eyes, let them shine even more bluer. It made him look so very vulnerable, that Michael couldn't any other else, than cup his face gentle with one hand. “And I'm not angry or disappointed at you. How can you even think like this about you? James, you are the loveliest person I know. And I would even sit in snow, if it would help you.”

 

Against the tips of his fingers, he felt James swallowing. Then every boundary seems to fall from him, as his eyes fell shut and he leaned his face a little into Michael's hand. His lashes grazed at this against Michael's thumb, while he whipped the last tear away. Only to lean forward and kissing James very gentle on his forehead. “I'm there for you. Always, James. Please don't forget this, okay.”

 

James nodded slowly, while Michael buried his face again in James' soft brown hair. Breathing deep in, he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the harsh beating in his chest.

 

~*~

 

Turning the water on, James slowly slipped underneath the hot stream. For a moment he just stood there. Watching the soft clouds of steam, while he let himself _think._ Really think.

 

He thought about the fear he had felt, as his grandmother had said he needed to come home. And the anxiety, while he had sat in the next flight he had gotten.

Closing his eyes, James leaned his forehead against the cold tiles. He also thought about the moment, as he saw his mother, who had ignored him. Cold, like he wasn't her own son. And the hurt he had felt, back then …

 

James bit his lips and clenched his hands to fists, as he let himself think about Joy.

 

His … sister, who he hadn't seen … decades? James really didn't even knew it anymore. But he knew, that he never had saw somebody so … broken. And the longer he let himself watch the memory about her whitish and bruised skin, the more he felt like what he had done wasn't okay.

 

_He_ wasn't okay. 

 

James suddenly wished he would be a little bit more stronger. Years ago he had sworn to himself, that he never let his mom hurting him again. Like she did back in his childhood. He had accept his grandparents as his real family. As the ones, who loved him like real parents should do. Who were always there for him with everything and for anything. While his mother … and his sister just leaved him behind. And he had really thought that he had let it behind him. That he was over it.

 

But as James opened his eyes and looked at the white tiles, he knew, he never could leave it behind himself. He couldn't, because it would be always his family. Even if they didn't wanted him. Even if he never really had knew Joy as his sister. She would nevertheless still be his sister and … and he didn't wanted to loose her.

 

And suddenly, James knew what he needed to do.

 

~*~

 

Just as the bathroom door opened, Michael put away his Smartphone. Looking up, he watched James stepping out of the room. Steam followed him and he felt something deep settling in his gut, as he looked into his deep blue eyes. They were still a little red rimmed, but not this intense like two hours ago, back in the corridor. Now he looked just a little sad, which made Michael want to pull him in his arms again.

 

But there was also something else in James' eyes, which held him back. Instead, he just watched him as James came closer to the bed, where Michael sat. Fidgeting with the little too big T-Shirt, James wore, his friend sat slowly next to him.

 

“You're right. About everything and - I think I should fly back.” James whispered, before he looked finally up into Michael's eyes. Relief washed right through him, and while he took James' hand softly in his own, he smiled reassuring at him. But before he could say anything, James continued. “And … I wanted to ask you … if you could - maybe …”

 

James bit his beautiful red lips, what caught for a second Michael's sight. But then he got a hold of himself, so he looked back into his best friend's eyes, who suddenly watched him very intense, and saying something, Michael had never thought to hear it coming from James. And it made his insides clench together.

 

“I need you, Michael. So would you … accompany me?” The fingers inside his hand moved in slight nervousness, like James wasn't sure if he should close his fingers around Michael's. “I mean, I would understand if you wouldn't. And it would be okay, if you don't want to - ...”

 

“James!” Michael interrupted his friend, whispering his name. Softly, he watched as James bit his sinful red lips in a nervous manner. So he squeezed Jame's hand gentle with his own, before he nodded slowly. “Of course I'm coming with you. Or did you forget what I've told you? I wouldn't let you do this alone, my friend.”

 

With a mixed feeling, he watched James letting out a shaking breath, as if a giant weight fell from him. And with that James' forehead sank onto Michael's shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

He felt the words more whispered against the skin of his neck, than he really could hear them. But he didn't need to, because it was a natural thing for him to help his friend through this situation. So Michael just shook his head, before he leaned his cheek against the top of James' head and letting the smell of apples fill his nostrils.

 

~*~

 

Their plane arrived in the middle of the night in Glasgow, so, James felt a little bit guilty to see the light in his own childhood home still burning. He didn't even got the chance to knock on the door, as it swung suddenly open and his grandmother huged him fiercely. “I'm so happy that you could do it.” Nodding slowly, he returned the hug gentle.

 

“You shouldn't needed to stay awake.” He whispered and got a last squeeze from her, before she parted from him and looked for the first time at Michael, who stood silent watching behind him.

 

“My dear, you know I couldn't get any sleep, before your save arrival.” She smiled gently at both of them, but James could see very clearly how tired she was. “And let me guess, that's your good friend Michael.” James blinked at the sudden lightness in her voice, but felt instantly better inside. He didn't needed to answer. She already did know, so he just watched as she walked past his side to Michael, before hugging his best friend, too. 

 

James knew his grandmother only as a really warming and loving person, but she did never hugged strangers. Surprised he returned Michael's little perplexed expression. “I have heard so much about you, my dear. I'm so happy that my little Baby found such a great friend in you.” Through her words, James felt his cheeks in embarrassing burning, and blushed even more, as Michael grinned his favorite shark-smile at him and repeated her words without any sound to James -  _My little Baby?_

 

Rolling his eyes, James crossed his arms before his chest and huffed silently. “Could you … please not …?” He tried, but Mary had her own mind, if it came to James. So as she parted from Michael, she looked him up and down, shaking her head in disappointment. “Oh, I don't know what they give you in America, but you both really need something proper to eat!”

 

Before they got the chance to argue, she moved inside and James shook his head. “Let's go.” He said to Michael, who followed him inside. “Where is grandpa?” He asked, while he stepped into the kitchen, right after Mary. Turning abruptly around, her eyes turned sharp up toward his own. “James!”

 

“Sorry.” He made a soft noise, before turning around once more, and tugging Michael gentle with him. Then he kicked off his shoes. Suddenly he felt like eight years again. But it wasn't really that bad, because it made him forget his anxiety for a moment.

 

“You know your grandpa. He's already sleeping. Couldn't even held his eyes open through the late-news.” James watched in silence as Michael got out of his own shoes and for a second he asked himself if it was true, what some does say about big feet and … _Woah … where the fuck did this come from?_

 

“So …” Mary came out of the kitchen and James looked a little startled at her. She threw a knowing and soft look at him, which confused and embarrassed him at the same time. “I have put a lasagne in the microwave. It should take good ten minutes to get nice and hot for you. In this time I think I could show Michael his room, while you put some dishes out.”

 

James nodded and hugged his grandmother gentle. “Thank you.” He said, while she kissed his cheek and shook her head. “No need to, my dear. Love you. And sleep well.” He returned her soft request, before he walked into the kitchen.

 

It felt strange for him to be home again. Only, that he was in accompany with his best friend. And seeing Michael was accepted so warmly by his grandmother - James wasn't sure who he felt about it, but it was intense. And very intimate.

While he put two dishes out of the cupboard, he didn't heard Michael coming back. So he nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt a soft touch on his back.

 

“Hey. Sorry. Are you … alright?” The soft voice from next to him, let him look up and James felt again warmth spreading through his veins.

 

“Yes. Just …” James bit his lip for a second, before he couldn't any different, than to hug Michael. He pressed himself hard at his friend, who wrapped instantly his strong arms around his body. “This shouldn't be … I don't know. It's all so … intense and I should feel … not so … good. But you're here and I don't know what I would do without you being here with me.”

 

God, it felt so fucking good in Michael's arms, that James wished deep inside they wouldn't part - ever. It should feeling awkward, how long they stood in the kitchen, just hugging each other so tight and at the same time gentle, for so long - the only thing that drove them apart, was the sudden  _ping_ of the microwave. 

 

Smiling a little embarrassed up at Michael, James felt his cheeks got warm underneath his beautiful eyes.

 

As he took the lasagne out of the microwave, he just hoped, that whatever he suddenly thought to feel about his friend wouldn't intensified. Because there was no way, that Michael would return it.

 

~*~

 

The next morning - James leaned half asleep against the counter, next to the sink. With one hand he supported himself on the surface, while he used the other one to brush his teeth, as suddenly the door opened, he looked up, only to see Michael. Who seems just as tired as James himself. “Oh - sorry. I'll just wait until you're finished.”

 

But before his friend could walk away, James spat into the sink and shook his head. “No, it's okay. Stay.” For a moment Michael seemed to hesitate, but then he door closed behind him, while James washed away the toothpaste from the sink and his toothbrush out. “Good morning, by the way.”

 

James smiled a little bit, as he felt a soft touch on his back. Spreading a warm and tingle feeling through his stomach. “Good morning. Did you slept well?” He turned toward Michael, who opened a tiny, black bag and took out his toothbrush and paste. “Yes - very and you?” James nodded, after Michael gazed shortly at him. Then he smiled again and let his eyes linger for a moment on Michael's messy short hair, before he let his sight travel over his rumpled T-Shirt which seems to be a little tight around his best friend's strong chest, but loose around the impossible small waist.

 

Suddenly there was a short knock on the door. As James looked in question up to Michael, his friend nodded with a smile around the toothbrush, which made James blush. Then he opened the door, only to see his grandpa standing outside on the hallway. “Good morning, James - Michael.” His grandpa smiled friendly at them. “Breakfast is ready. I know already James' habits, but is there something special you want to eat or drink, Michael?”

 

Because of the fact, that his best friend was still brushing his teeth, James smiled and shook his head. “He drinks, too, a cup of coffee like I do and takes his toast with bacon and a egg.” His grandpa nodded, while he smiled thankfully. “Kay, then come down as soon as you're finished, my son.” Closing the door after his grandpa walked away, James leaned back against the door.

 

“Your family is really nice.” Michael spoke, after he had rinsed his mouth out and turned at James with a soft smile. “But I'm surprised.” Like James, he thought. But then he slowly understood and scratched a little his neck in a nervous manner.

 

“Yeah, … they know, I'm bi - ...” - “They seems to know about our close friendship.” They spoke together at the same time, so James just hoped that Michael didn't had understood his words. Because … his family knew. Michael did not. So, ignoring his own words, he answered with a smile. “They watched the premier of our first movie and … they also heard about you since our first scene together. I think that grandma has also recorded everyone of our interviews.”

 

While he spoke, Michael watched him very close. Then his friend stepped closer. “Did you just say - ...” James gripped the handle and smiled nervous, before he opened the door. “I'm going down and eh … Two slices of toast?” He held out two fingers, but as Michael didn't answered he began to step out of the tiny bathroom. “Okay. I'll just make you … and you can … come … yes.”

 

In hurry he turned around, only to disappear in the hallway where he walked down the stairs. Deep inside he wished that he didn't had answered at all. But he also knew that it was just a matter of time, when Michael would find out about him.

 

~*~

 

While James was with Mary in the hospital, Michael remained back at James' grandparent's home. There he talked with James' grandfather, who also got the name James. But differently than his friend, the older man liked to be called Jim. So sitting with the old man in the living room, Michael saw what James had meant with his words, that Mary had recorded every one of their - but also James' single ones - interviews.

 

“James speaks very high from you, Michael. He's normally not like that.” Michael looked from the many records back to Jim, who was watching him very closely.

 

“What do you mean?” Feeling a soft tingle feeling inside his stomach, he tried not to reveal his excitement about this words.

 

“James is … he's very fast in making friendships, because he's just … a lovely, young man. But he's normally not so fast in being close with somebody. He just always held a little distance. We thought it was maybe because of our daughter, who … hadn't turned out to be a good mother.” Michael was surprised at the honest words. But Jim just continued. “Don't misunderstand me. Elisabeth will be always our daughter and we love her. But what she did with James? Turning her back onto him - something like this isn't something you do with your own child. But we always did know, that man, she once had married, wouldn't be any good for her. And years later, we were right. Their divorce wasn't … “

 

Jim made a little pause and Michael didn't knew how he should feel about hearing this story. He always wanted to know more about James' childhood. But his friend wasn't eager to tell him about it. So he ignored his own curiosity.

 

“Suddenly everything turned out to be a very big, emotional war between them. And James stood in the middle. It was the reason he came very often to us. And in the end, he stayed. We … were happy, to be there for him, because I don't know where he would be, if he would have gone with his father. And I don't even _want_ to know.” 

 

Slowly Michael nodded. He didn't knew that James had it so hard. And he didn't knew how his best friend could be still so wonderful and lovely after everything he's gone through.

 

“So as he has told us about you, we were really surprised, because he has told us very much about you. James never talked before about his friend's personal things. He's always very kept inside and distantly. But not with you. You're different. So I need to ask this. Do you love him?”

 

The sip of coffee, he had taken, suddenly refused to be swallowed. For a second he was just shocked about the direct question. But as soon as he got his throat under control, he took the cup down and cocked his head to the side. “We're … not. I mean … he is my best friend, Sir.”

 

Jim nodded and smiled gentle, but also knowingly at him. “I know. But this doesn't meant, you cannot love each other.” With this words, the old man patted Michael's knee in a friendly manner, before he stood up and leaved him alone. Michael could just watching him walk away, but knew, even if Jim didn't got an answer, he seemed to know. Maybe more then he himself.

 

~*~

 

“Honey, we're home.” James felt a soft touch on his shoulder, through he opened slowly his eyes. “Do you want to keep the car and … be alone for a moment?” He thought about it. But then he shook his head, before he got out of the car. Together they walked inside. Trying to be silent, because of his grandfather and Michael. Both seemed to be asleep by now, so neither of them wanted to wake them up.

 

“Do you need anything?” Again James shook his head. Then his grandma nodded slowly and squeezed his hand. “I'm so sorry, my honey. Please, let me know if there is anything you need, okay.”

 

“Yes. Thank you.” He leaned down to her and kissed her cheek. Then he kicked his shoes from his feet, and climbed up the stairs. While his grandparents slept downstairs, his room, also Michael's where upstairs. And as soon as he let the last step behind him, he knew where he wanted to be. What he needed the most …

 

His vision blurred already before he knocked softly against the dark wooden door. And it didn't took Michael a second to open him up. Slowly he looked up at his friend. Just as James felt the first tears running down his cheeks, he stepped forward and pressed himself at Michael, who instantly wrapped his arms around James' shaking body. “She's …” He tried, but he couldn't speak it out loud.

 

He never heard the door closing, but he felt Michael moving. A moment later, he felt the mattress underneath his form. Still warm and smelling so comfortable like Michael did. He didn't knew how his friend did it, but minutes later, they laid next to each other, while Michael had still his arms wrapped around him. One hand stroke softly over his back, while the other laid in his neck.

 

“Shh. It's okay. Just let it out.” Michael whispered softly in his ear, while James didn't knew what he should do. But his body continued to press desperate against his friend, because he feared he would maybe leave him alone. That the comfort would disappear. In the same time, he knew - of course he did knew - that Michael would never leave him alone. Not, when he needed him the most.

 

~*~

 

In the evening Jim had gotten the call from Mary, that Joy passed away. Michael had thousand ideas what he could do, to comfort James. But nothing of them seemed to be good enough. So the only thing he did, was to wait.

 

As he also heard the car outside of James' home, he stood up. Not sure of what he should do, he just stood at the door of his room. He wanted nothing more to do, than to ran down and hug his James. Comfort him - just … anything which could give his best friend a comfort. But he didn't knew what James really needed, so he said himself, he would let James make this decision.

 

So as the knocking came, he was there. Doing the only thing, he knew that he could do for James. So he helped him into his bed, while holding him. Never letting go of James' shaking body.

 

It took James more than a hour to calm down. And for minutes, Michael thought, that his friend maybe finally slept. Maybe it would be for the best, if he would just sleep it off. But then he felt James' right leg shift between his own. “She was awake, you know.” Hearing James' rough voice suddenly startled Michael for a second more, than he felt him slowly breathing out, against Michael's neck. He repressed a shudder.

 

“They said they do this sometimes. Something because of neuronal highness in the last seconds. But … for a moment it seemed to me, that she saw me and … it felt so … like she knew she wasn't alone ...” James shifted again. His head leaned back, so he could look up to Michael. Even in the soft light that came in from the street underneath the window, he could see the deepness of James' beautiful blue eyes. And he couldn't held himself back, as he brushed the last tears away from James' freckled cheek. Gentle, he let his fingertips glide into soft, dark hair.

 

“She knew, James.” He whispered silently, but James didn't reacted. He just looked up into Michael's eyes, which send a spark through his insides. Moving his thumb caressing over James' cheek, he nodded slowly. “You're also not alone, James.” He continued, while his hand on James' back moved slowly higher. Suddenly everything felt so … easy. “I'll be always there for you. As long as you want me to.”

 

He felt James' fingers clenching his T-Shirt. But his friend was still gazing at him. Deep, searching - pleading. And with that Michael closed the distance between them and kissed James slowly on his sinful red lips.

 

As soon as their lips connected, James' breath hitched and his body got very rigid. For a tiny second, Michael feared that he had seen the signs wrong. So he already moved to break apart, as James pressed himself only closer at him and shoved his hand into Michael's neck, before he intensified the kiss. Long fingers glided through his short hair up, then down again, over his neck. He let James in control, while he just let his hand linger on James' hip and the side of his neck. Just … enjoying. 

 

But then James suddenly broke apart and Michael was alone in his bed. Sitting up, he watched James, who walked nervously from one side of the room, to the other side. “This … you shouldn't - we shouldn't …” Standing up, too, Michael ran with his hands through his hair, before he walked up to James, who stepped back from him and shook his head in disappointment. “You shouldn't do this, because I'm sad. I don't want you to feel obligated to - ...”

 

Michael just stepped closer, while James backed down until he was standing with his back at the wall next to the door. “James … I wouldn't do this only out of obligation. I … do you really not know, how I feel about you?” There it was. In big capital letters in James' eyes. And he didn't needed any light to see it any clearer. Because James always was deep inside very insecure and uncertain. So he just closed their distance again and cupped James' cheeks in his hands.

 

“I love you. Somewhere between your endless beauty and your really dirty mind, your terrible jokes and the fact that you're addicted to coffee with sometimes disgusting flavors, and sandwiches …” He smiled softly, while his fingers slid down over James' neck. “Your unbelievable blue eyes, whose seem to have their own color scheme, and those sinful red lips, whose do things to me, James, I cannot even … between all of this, I fell so hard for you, that I don't even know when I felt it for the very first time, because … it seemed to be there the whole time, since I looked the first time into your eyes.”

 

He felt James' long lashes grazing the tips of his thumbs, as his friend closed his eyes. And as he opened them again, he finally saw, what James held hidden from him all this time. “I … never had thought it would be possible, that you would … that … my feelings for you would be returned.” Michael slowly shook his head in disbelieve, but then leaned his forehead against James'.

 

“But it's true, James. I do love you. More than anything.” That he finally could say it, felt so good. Finally Michael didn't felt any longer like a liar. Because, it was true. As a friend, you could love your friends very deeply. But to feel sexual attracted and to have some fantasies about them felt … like he would betray his friend.

 

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted, as he felt James' sweet lips on his own, and shortly later his warm breath. “I love you, too. More, than you can imagine.” Breathing his sinful smell in, Michael smiled, while his heart felt like it would burst any moment out of his chest. Never he had felt so happy, so warm, so … finally whole.

 

Which was crazy, because he always felt happy and whole, when just being together with James.

But to be finally able to say what he feels for him. To hear, that his feelings are returned, and being in the position to kiss him - touch him - make him  _his …_

 

It felt like he was finally  _home_ with the only person which was worth the wait. 

 

~*~ Fin ~*~


End file.
